Save me 👁


They say, it takes courage to leave someone you love for the goodness of your heart and soul. These past few months, I’ve been struggling a lot. Wondering if it’s still worth holding on and worth fighting for. Wondering If it’s still the pill I needed for the emptiness of my heart. I’ve been told that it is a trap. That it is a poison for my lonely, and sad boring life. But I didn’t budge and for the hundredth time I failed myself, I still chose to follow the command of my heart. Turned out, it caused me much pain more than what I expected. I should never trust my decision when it comes to loving. Never. I’m not in my usual self for months now and the consequences of my actions are still haunting me even in my dreams. I became distant to God. I lose interest in everything. In writing, in reading, in keeping in touch with my old friends. I am slowly…. slowly drifting away from everything I once claimed to love. It became toxic in my heart, up to my brain that gives me this feeling to hurt myself, to hurt people around me,to regret it all, and to end it all. If this is the price I need to pay for loving the person same as my gender, I surrender. But I need to save myself because I am slowly drowning from the unfairness of the world. Just save me.

⁃ Girlnotsoinlove.


Where is the Love? 🌎

Did you ever wish to reverse your life? Like, being a kid again and your only problem was the monsters under your bed or how will you convince your mom to buy the toys in the mall? Or how to fake your sleep?. Hmmmm,I wonder. 🤔
In my 17 years of existence, I have lots of questions waiting to be answered. This past few months I’ve heard about terrorist attacks, bombing, killing, etc. that made me think of a song, titled “Where is the love?”. It’s sad to admit that I am scared. Scared of tomorrow, scared of the night, scared of people around me. Just by hearing the everyday news made me paranoid. We all know what was lacking in this world. Love. Love is the key to stop all this. Love is the key to peace. Love is the answer. Every night, before I go to sleep I kept thinking about the “why’s”. Really, What is going on, people?!. Come on! Wake up! Don’t ruin the world ’cause the future generation needs it, and they deserved it!. Maybe….. We should stopped thinking the “why’s”, maybe….. We should start thinking about the “how’s”. HOW CAN WE SAVE THIS WORLD?. HOW CAN WE STOP THESE BULLSHITS?. Come on, people! Where is the LOVE?? 
—girl not so in love.

A letter for my future husband


I don’t know your name yet or maybe I already met you, see you, or even know you. I don’t know, but this letter is for you.

I hope you’re doing good right now. Maybe by now, you’re alone in your bed thinking of me too, or you’re on your bestfriend’s house playing computer, or you’re dating your present girlfriend and imagining your life with her. I hope when the right time come, you’re not going to compare me to your ex’s because I am very sensitive about that. I hope you will let me play sims even though it’s kinda weird for our age. I hope you will let me buy makeups, clothes and everything that will make me happy. I hope you will love the spontaneous adventures I will put you through. I hope you will say that I am beautiful regardless of my new hairstyle. There’s so many things I want you to know about me, and it’s for you to find out. I can’t wait to meet you, to know you, to smell your scent, to meet your parents, to spend Christmas and every occasion with you. I know you’re out there living your life, making memories, memories that you will tell me someday while I am looking into your eyes and thinking that I am the luckiest girl in the world. Maybe, I’ll meet you tomorrow or the next day or the day after tomorrow or today as I am writing this letter at Starbucks, alone surrounded  by the people I do not know. Please be patient, please be strong, please choose to live regardless of the challenges, because I am right here waiting for you. Goodluck and hope to see you soon! 


Your future wife

RETREAT 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻


Sometimes, I wish I can go back in time, not to correct things, but just to live some moments twice. January 20, 2016, I Have no idea that God is cooking something good for me and that experience can change everything . yes, Im excited because for the first time in my life I finally got a chance to experience a Retreat, but I didn’t expect it to be like something magical. My three days in Tagaytay was like three days in heaven. I’ve been close to someone I thought I’d ever have a chance to. I slept with my friends, We ate together in the huge dining hall, we cry and laugh every session, we took photos, we crept in the hall, we had a nice bonding, we tried to forget the problems here in our town and most importantly we got a chance to bond with God. We got all pretty excited in our first day.I put my clothes in the cabinet, I put my things in the table, I checked the shower, I helped my friend to unpacked her things. I remember the time when I was arranging my things in the cabinet and thought that the day after tomorrow, I’m going to put it back again and face what’s waiting for me in my own town. I learned to savor each moment because I know deep down it’s temporary. Our first session, I have to admit that its a little bit boring but the fact that the speaker is speaking in front and trying his best to deal with us even though we felt like sleeping , made the day extra special. In the evening we had a role playing and I can say that it really made my day. I realized that many of us have sense of humor. That same night we go back to our own room to finally rest, we bid our goodnights and prayed to God to stopped the ticking clock because from that moment I realized that I fell in love with the place and the way we treated each other that day. Second day morning, we ate our breakfast together and the foods are pretty delicious, that’s the one thing i missed in Marello. I learned a lot that day especially from the stories that Father shared to us. I remember the story about the boy who have one arm, from that,I learned that I can do all things with God, nothing is impossible if you really believe. There are things in life that is not meant for you, but sometimes, what was losing doesn’t actually really matter.At night, we broke into tears. We read the letters from our loved ones, and suddenly it felt like the whole world had stopped and I can only hear is the sobbing. I cried that night because the letter is from my superwoman. Ever since, I salute my mother for being tough and strong,and she is indeed indestructible. She said there that I need to be stong and learn to do things on my own and keep studying smarter not harder and the time will come I will be unequivocally successful. After reading the letters, we shared something about us, about the love we received from our family. The sharing took my breath away and the realization hit me. We always have that one door in our lives that’s not meant to open for everybody, but we really considered each other as a family so we let that one door opened. We opened up not to impress, not to beg for sympathy, but to learn, to take the lessons, to inspire and to realize that, everybody is facing a battle,has a story of heartache,you are never alone. if they can smile out of all the problems, so do you and always be kind. After the session I found myself collapsed in bed and thanking God for another wonderful chance he gave to us. Last day, I woke up early and put my things inside my bag and sighed. I want more, I want to stay. Half of me wants to stay there forever and part of me wants to go home to see my family. We had a successful mass in the morning, we took photos, a proof that once in our life everything was perfect. We had our last meal in Marello and the bus arrived, taking us back to reality. I can say that our retreat was successful. The tenuous relationship turned vigorous.Sitting in the lobby and watching the others laughing and giggling about something made me realized  that maybe, really really good times aren’t meant to last for too long, that’s what makes them more special, the temporariness of them. Another amazing experience has ended, that completed a few chapters in my book that will surely haunt me for the rest of my life.



So, I made a poem for mom because why not? 💕
Queen in the city

My mom is a superwoman,

always there when I am down.

She’s always there to catch me when I fall,

even if she have to crawl.

My pain is gone, I felt alright,

every time she kisses me goodnight.

She’s my everything and every kids dream,

never ever she’ll be mean.

The most beautiful flower in my garden,

even though she carries a burden.

She maybe an ordinary,

but her personality makes her extraordinary.

A Letter for my Bestfriend 🌸


Someday, when the time is right, we will pack up and leave this chaotic small town. We will go somewhere far . Of course, we will bring our favorite shorts, sweatshirts and overused sneakers with our big backpack. Someday, we will stop somewhere just to admire the view, to take pictures ,to wait for the sunrise and sunset. Someday we will explore different coffee shops and we’ll try to discover the “The best coffee shop in the world”. We’ll meet new people of course and make friends, but always remember that you’re my only bestfriend. We will going to buy souvenirs in every place we’ve been. We will going to argue for a second because of something, but after that we will hug each other and say “I’m sorry”. 

Someday, we will live as if it’s our last day on earth. We will grow old together with our partner and probably our kids will be friends just like we did. We will sing our favorite song with a hairbrush microphone at the top of our lungs and we’ll talk about the craziest and embarrassing moments in our life back when we were in high school, but for now, let’s enjoy the present and make the best out of it. Let’s be successful together so that when the time is right, no one can stop us from doing what we love.




Awesome God 💙

Whenever I am down, I’d always put in mind how great our God is. How he turned the impossible to possible. How he turned my confusion to clarity. How he turned hate to love. God is indeed amazing and I just can’t put it into words. So, I made a poem to express my faith and gratitude 🙏🏻💙

I will never stop praising you 🍃🙏🏻

As the water’s flowing in the river

      My God! I am your believer 

As the light shine through my face

   My God! these hands will raise

As the darkness pass and faint 

                I know this pain will fade

        When the life seems so unlivable 

    I know you will make things possible 

  When the birds stopped singing and the Flag stopped swaying

     I know you will do anything to stop this whining 

              When I am old and grey 

     My God! I will lift my voice and pray

            When I am cold in my grave 

Oh! my loving God! I’m nothing to refuse what you gave. 


Junior High School🙎🏻

Hi guys!!!

I want to share what I wrote last year before my moving up ceremony for Junior high school. 🙏🏻🎉

Being a high school student is like riding in a roller coaster, it has ups and downs, thrilling and exciting, but the most important, you’d learn that you can survive in every obstacle, just take a deep breath and enjoy the ride. Columban college is my second home, the people there is my second family and they will always have a special place in my heart. Ever since my junior high school started, I learned to do things on my own, I learned to savor each moment because I know deep down everything is temporary, I learned to interact with others, I learned to be selfless and the most important thing is I learned to love myself. During my junior hs,like other teenagers I experienced to loved by someone I didn’t love back, and I’ve been in loved with someone that didn’t love me back and I guess that’s life, we just need to accept that we dont always get what we want, I’ve been close to someone I thought I’d ever have a chance to. I will not forget the lessons that gave me knowledge, the teachers who guided us from the beginning , my classmates who made my junior hs extra special , my friends who’s always there when I forget to love myself. Fighting inside the classroom is inevitable, but what matter is, we learned from our mistakes, and ended up forgiving each other because that’s the real essence of being as one family. During my junior high I tried new things, I learned to go with the flow, and I learned to appreciate little things.I became a girl who’s not afraid to fail,and not afraid to be alone. I began to realize what I want, what I deserve and I began to trust people less. Time flies so fast, just few steps and I’m finally done in my junior high, maybe after so many years I will look back and remember the memories that will warm me in the inside but will also tear me apart. Every person I met in school made me realized that everyone is facing a battle, has a story of heartache, I am never alone pretending that my life is real fine. Everyday is like a never ending cycle inside and outside of the school, its funny how I thought that everything is all the same everyday, but when I looked  back everything was different. This chapter of my book will inevitably end, but the memories will live forever in my heart. 

Thanks for reading my blog! 😄😄😄 God bless everyone! 😊💙


Never again 🙅


 I’ve decide to broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. It’s not that I dont love him anymore or I can’t picture our life in the future anymore. It’s just that I can’t see the stars on my own set of eyes whenever he’s around. I mean, I could be blind at times, It could have been a mistake, but the heart never goes wrong. Don’t get me wrong, He loves me so much and I can picture him totally devastated the moment I’m out of his life. Sometimes, I wonder, I am selfish?. Can I consider myself as selfish, when I can’t see his efforts anymore?, when he’s always hurting me without his knowledge? When I cry myself to sleep because of the pain? Because I felt that I was an option? Because I felt that I am useless and can’t blame him if he enjoyed his friends company the most?. I dont know what the reason is. I can’t answer his simple question “why?”. My always answer was “I dont know” how can I explain everything when I can’t even fucking understand myself?. I don’t listen to others opinion even though they kept on telling that I deserved better than him, that we’re not fit as a couple, but I still love him regardless of what they’re going to say because at the end of the day, it’s not about them, its not about their fucking opinion. It’s about me, it’s all about what makes me happy. But life is unfair, isn’t it? It’s like the world turned upside down. I can’t see his efforts anymore, I’m always asking for his time, and I’m tired for all those late night fights and maybe the point is, I lose interest whenever I get ignored. I just wanted him to treat me like the first time. The time I can’t stop laughing because of his hilarious gestures and inside jokes. The time when I cant sleep because I kept thinking of him and the nights when I would close my eyes and imagine my future with him in it. I don’t know what happened to him,to me. This situation really really frustrates me. He kept on telling me how much he loves me, but just like the old saying goes “Action speaks louder than words.” I just prayed to God that I did the right decision and I guess it’s time to find myself again, it’s time to pick up my broken pieces because I know deep down I deserved better.

R.I.P efforts ⚰

R.I.P love ⚰



Don’t lose her 
Don’t lose a girl who chose you over a man with six pack abs and has branded shoes, branded clothes he bought from New york, trending watch, new gadgets, and everything that every man’s think they become a real man with those things. You see? He chose you even if you’re wearing just a simple shirt and a pair of jeans you bought from nearby mall in your small town, and still choosing you even if your team lose a hundredth time in your basketball game.

Don’t lose the girl who did everything to enjoy your company during your dating stage. She suddenly gained strength for her exams and meeting her new terror professor because she can’t get you out of her mind, her mind flies away with every jokes her friends were saying because of thinking what she’ll do to keep you in love with her.

Don’t lose the girl who buys you a souvenirs in every place of the world she’d been. Maybe, that’s her last allowance from her Mom or her last money during the trip. Just for you to feel special, she cooked for dinner and invite you to meet her parents and dressed to impress you.


Don’t lose the girl who understands that aside from her, there is another girl in your life like your bestfriend. She never lose her hopes that one day, she will roll beside the bed and what she’ll see is your face.



Don’t lose the girl who notices the scars on your face, you’ve got when you were on high school and still think you’re cute, the sweat you get from running in circles, the hair that your hairstylist cut yesterday, or every moles in your body. It’s the little things that makes her heart beats like her favorite music she’d been playing over and over again.


Don’t lose the girl who understands your mood swings and your perspective. She tries to understand your change of mood, even your simple “Okay.” Or “goodnight.”


Don’t lose the girl who makes you feel loved throughout the years that you’ve been together. Who’s there to love you when you forget to love yourself. Who made you close to God. Who never thinks of leaving you when you ask her to leave you. Who asks you of your day and a girl who will pick up every pieces of you.


Don’t lose the girl who wants to be with you forever and ever, even if believing in forever is cliché for her.
But the most important thing,


Don’t lose the girl who loves you with every beat of her heart.