I’ve decide to broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. It’s not that I dont love him anymore or I can’t picture our life in the future anymore. It’s just that I can’t see the stars on my own set of eyes whenever he’s around. I mean, I could be blind at times, It could have been a mistake, but the heart never goes wrong. Don’t get me wrong, He loves me so much and I can picture him totally devastated the moment I’m out of his life. Sometimes, I wonder, I am selfish?. Can I consider myself as selfish, when I can’t see his efforts anymore?, when he’s always hurting me without his knowledge? When I cry myself to sleep because of the pain? Because I felt that I was an option? Because I felt that I am useless and can’t blame him if he enjoyed his friends company the most?. I dont know what the reason is. I can’t answer his simple question “why?”. My always answer was “I dont know” how can I explain everything when I can’t even fucking understand myself?. I don’t listen to others opinion even though they kept on telling that I deserved better than him, that we’re not fit as a couple, but I still love him regardless of what they’re going to say because at the end of the day, it’s not about them, its not about their fucking opinion. It’s about me, it’s all about what makes me happy. But life is unfair, isn’t it? It’s like the world turned upside down. I can’t see his efforts anymore, I’m always asking for his time, and I’m tired for all those late night fights and maybe the point is, I lose interest whenever I get ignored. I just wanted him to treat me like the first time. The time I can’t stop laughing because of his hilarious gestures and inside jokes. The time when I cant sleep because I kept thinking of him and the nights when I would close my eyes and imagine my future with him in it. I don’t know what happened to him,to me. This situation really really frustrates me. He kept on telling me how much he loves me, but just like the old saying goes “Action speaks louder than words.” I just prayed to God that I did the right decision and I guess it’s time to find myself again, it’s time to pick up my broken pieces because I know deep down I deserved better.
R.I.P efforts ⚰
R.I.P love ⚰